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Blonde Jokes

Why do blondes hate M&Ms? They’re too hard to peel.

What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence

How do you drown a blonde? Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

How can you tell if a blonde’s been using the computer? There’s white-out on the screen.

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats".

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. "Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked, "Where did you get that?" The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle!"

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde: Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? "Oh look, donut seeds."

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

A blonde was woken up in the middle of the night to find her house alight. So she went straight to the phone and called 911. When they asked how do you we get to your house, she said "Duh...in the big red truck!"

What do you call a blond behind a steering wheel? An air bag.

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.

Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.

Did you hear about the blonde that put lipstick on her forehead so she could make up her mind?

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror. If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a blonde walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.